reflective catharsis (31JUL10)

I sat pondering for some moments the roots of this apathy that I feel. Swirling within a haze of depression and occasional moments of clarity I saw the dreaded bleakness of future achievements ethereal and caught in a limbo of uncertainty. I was not challenging myself, within my abilities and life potential. There is no doubt that the achievements of some others are well beyond me, yet there would also be those who set achievements that would not strike me with great difficulty. However, I was not confronting my own personal journey. Ignoring all paths I could take and cowering within an uncertain pathetic face. If there could be some method of speech or thought that would spurn me on to greater personal satisfaction I am yet to find it. Paradoxically, I am more than aware that I am not happy within myself. Sometimes I wish I could be less elusive.

...

Some problems with motivation, damn myself. Avoiding all the kicks and finding no shoes of my own that deliver the blow... Find resolve, renew energy and achieve your ends before they meet you...

I.K. Estbon

...

I am terrible, I am self-destructing...

I.K. Estbon

...

Fancy a bite? Terrible weather I hope it clears up, rain pit-patting down my pants and into pockets on the floor...

Sometimes it accumulates into odd shapes, that I can't help but watch for their stability under windy conditions... They stand little chance against a gumboot-clad child, but let's not leave puddle jumping exclusively to the young ones... Little water hole, you stand little chance against me... Here I come!

I.K. Estbon

...

13:02:02 Capt. You happy?

13:02:04 F/O Takeoff check's complete. We're good.

13:02:05 TWR American six eight two, runway three one left cleared for takeoff.

13:02:08 F/O Let's do this Leeroy.

13:02:10 Capt. Thrust.

13:02:11 CAM [sound similar to increase in engine RPM]

13:02:22 F/O 80 knots.

13:02:24 Capt. V one. Rotate

13:02:26 Capt. V two.

13:02:29 Capt. Gear.

13:02:31 F/O Gear up.

13:02:33 F/O Flaps up. Climb.

13:02:36 F/O Shit!

13:02:37 CAM [sound of thump]

13:02:38 F/O We hit 'em, we hit 'em.

13:02:39 CAM [sound of several clicks]

13:02:40 Capt. Give me power.

13:02:41 CAM [sound similar to stick shaker]

13:02:42 F/O Engine two. Engine two.

13:02:43 Capt. Shut.

13:02:45 F/O Engine two shutdown.

13:02:46 Capt. Give me go around.

13:02:48 TWR Six eight two, roger go around.

13:02:49 CAM [sound similar to stick shaker]

13:02:50 CAM [sound of several clicks]

13:02:51 F/O Trim!

13:02:52 CAM [sound similar to stall warning]

13:02:53 F/O Leeroy.

13:02:54 Capt. I'm trying.

13:02:55 CAM [roaring noise starts and increases in amplitude]

13:02:56 CAM [sound similar to stall warning]

13:02:57 F/O Hold the son-of-a-bitch

13:02:58 CAM [sound of grunt]

13:02:59 TWR American six eight two, you have priority for landing.

13:03:02 F/O Fuck!

13:03:03 CAM [whoop whoop pull up]

13:03:04 CAM [sound similar to stick shaker]

13:03:05 Capt. Oh god!

13:03:06 CAM [whoop whoop pull up]

13:03:07 F/O Leeroy...

13:03:08 Capt. I'm sorry.

13:03:10 CAM [crashing noise of impact]

13:03:11 END of RECORDING

24JUL10

He heightens the sensation of water on skin by bubbling the blue bong of visions with electric smoke-fuzz producing eagerness

Ah shower, how good you feel trickling drip-drip down merry skin
he thinks

The post-soak towel-dry is met with less enthusiasm, but for a satisfied cleansed togetherness on his pale-skin body

Will achievements spring forth after my water-nozzled purifying bong-bubble session
he muses

...

Dread. Dread. Dread. Dread. I feel dread, dread, dead.

I.K. Estbon

...

raaah-squeee*grup-up*ve-tooo-beh-trooo-laaah-kye
-jahka-ko-koh^jah-bat (feel it)
coreee-eee-eee-eh*broop-peh*tell -dig

(yeah)

(bring)

-corooo-ooo-poo-ooo-loo-peh^jak

-vrooop -vrooop-peh (yeah)
colli-doll-truuu-ooo-peh sell-ler-sell-lep^collie
-crooop-pschhh-schhh-schoope-eee (kill it)

(give)

I.K. Estbon

...

Very walk we hop along the flower-encrusted path to great delight a step-skip sing-merry...

I.K. Estbon